.....I need a boat.
This is about the dumbest idea I've ever had. However, it's the most I've ever laughed at myself. Thank goodness no one was out - I am an idiot to do what I did next.
I need "something" that can contain me. I'm not letting my legs dangle in that water! I went to the the pool store and bought a kids pool floatie that was a little boat. $12.99 - I can swing it. I tested it in the pool, and it held my weight. I took some of their food, wrangled my fat rump into this contraption and set sail. I started throwing food into the water.
NOTHING! They did nothing! There I was, in this stupid little craft, throwing food and they're looking at me in complete bewilderment. If only I could have taken a picture from my position onto the shore. They had no idea what the hell was going on.
I took a picture of the darn thing when I was unsuccessfully back on shore. How bloody embarrassing.
Yes, it came with an oar.... O_o